Monday, December 7, 2009

Maddeningly Unhelpful Advice-How to induce rage

I'm generally a pretty laid back person. Some might even go as far as to characterize me as "happy". There isn't much that angers or offends me. But there is one thing, that I discovered Saturday that really gets me upset. Let me set up the scene.

My husband and I have a pleasant afternoon Christmas shopping and end by stopping at the store to grab some chocolate (my house has been at dangerously low levels as of late). Of course, I buy a few boxes of Junior Mints. We come home and I stash them away for a movie we'll be watching later and take my two older girls to a Christmas concert they are performing in. After we get home and I settle onto the couch to watch a rare gem* of a movie, my husband brings me one of the boxes of Junior Mints. It is open and half gone. That act in and of itself is close to a crime in my house.

"They're open," I say. My voice sounds a little tight so I clear my throat.

"Oh, yeah," my husband says, shrugging his shoulders, "the boy* opened them."

"Really." I take a deep breath and tell myself it's okay to share. There are three boxes, after all.

"Yeah, I guess he was pretending they were bullets and throwing them at the girls."


So, if you want to make someone really angry (and why wouldn't you? especially this time of year) find something they love above all else and rip it from their hands, not to use it, but to smash it into pieces under your booted feet. That's all.

*rare gem=a movie nobody else has heard of and has probably gone straight to video but my husband thinks is going to be the best undiscovered movie in the universe. He usually presents these movies by saying: "Kasie, I have found a "rare gem" at the movie store. Will you give it at least 30 minutes?" This is how I know it is going to be REALLY bad. In our 12 years of marriage he has only found two movies that actually ended up being "rare gems".

*the boy=our only son. We really do call him "the boy". After three daughters we often say, "Come on girls" whenever we are leaving. We quickly have to add, "and the boy". So now we refer to him as "the boy" often. As in, "Have you seen the boy?" Or "What is the boy up to?"

14 comments:

  1. Violation of Junior Mints is enough to infuriate even the mildest of souls.

    Also, I thought the whole "rare gem" thing with your husband was hilarious. I think I am like that. I'm always trying to introduce my hubby to the "classics." He's not often impressed, however, in my defense, I believe he has a deeply ingrained prejudice against black and white movies.

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  3. Not the junior mints, no chocolate should ever be used as a weapon. I have the same problem except with a girl.

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  4. In my house it's the diet soda. Neal professed to not like diet soda, but in recent months has developed a liking for my diet A&W. Then Benjamin started asking for "your soda" and i gave him a sip. Now between the two of them it's never around for long.

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  5. Hilarious Kasie - we're always watching "rare gems" around our house too - usually at my request.

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  6. Reminds me of the time my husband discovered Rice Milk and proceeded to sit down to two, three, wait...four bowls of MY breakfast cereal.

    He grew up with a dairy allergy and disliked the taste of regular or soy milk on cereal. So, until the Rice milk discovery, I never had to share my Honeycombs.

    I feel for you.

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  7. You know, it's really weird how many times I see myself in you. Do you suppose it's just because our birthdays are back to back? :-)

    I adore Junior Mints. And it takes a lot to get me mad ... but messing with "my stuff" is surefire.

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  8. Very funny post! My children would be brave indeed to mess with any of my chocolate. My hubby and I so rarely get to watch movies that even a bad one might be considered a gem! :)

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  9. Oh, man. That's horrible! My brothers do that to me all the time--my youngest brother (he's two) stole my Reese's Pieces just a week ago and used them as bait to get the cats to come up to him. I swear, I hate when little kids feel the need to do that kind of stuff. At least they're cute. ;)

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  10. Renee, lol. Another "rare gem" lover. Great. :) From now on, I think I'll let him view them first and then give me reviews. Although, it is kind of a bonding time for us where we rank on really bad movies together. :)

    Patti, it's true, any crime against chocolate is really a crime against humanity.

    Candice, bleck. You and Neal can keep your diet soda. I like all the calories in my drinks. :) But, I do understand your pain of having to share something that someone has claimed they don't like. Again, with the Junior Mints, Jared says he doesn't like them very much and then he sits down and holds out his hand. What? Why would I waste them on someone who doesn't even appreciate their goodness? :)

    Mary, it's torture, I tell you, torture. :)

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  11. Christi, lol I'm glad I'm not alone in this diversion to sharing. It is worse when it's something they couldn't have before though. Then it's like you have to learn how to share it. :)

    Linda, we're twins. I often see our similarities, as well. Maybe that's why I like you so much. :)

    Shannon, believe me, you would not consider any of these movies gems. I still remember one horrific one I was forced to watch years ago (it's obviously traumatized me) about a time-traveling priest. He was a really bad actor too. I'm shuddering as I type this.

    Jenna, see, you understand my pain. My son is 2 so you know exactly what I'm talking about. They just need to stay out of our things. :)

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  12. This is as bad as the time my oldest daughter left out my Cherry Garcia on the counter ... OVERNIGHT!

    It was in her way. Once she got what she wanted, everything pulled out to get to it melted on the counter top. Worse was there was no REMORSE.

    I feel for you.

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  13. I usually read and don't comment...sorry:) However, for some reason I am still laughing about "the boy" comment! I'm so glad you can keep me laughing even when you're far away... Hmmm, why don't you visit AZ next week? Now that's a great idea!!

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  14. Tricia, melted ice cream is a true true travesty. Your pain is my pain. :)

    Nicki, EEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!! Okay, I think I will. But not next week, the week after. I think we're coming on the 21st. I'm so excited!

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