Tuesday, December 9, 2008

"Real World" Observations

My brother called me a recluse the other day and I said, "Am not," with an indignant pout. But I so am (before today I hadn't left the house since Friday. In my defense, the pink eye has taken over around here) In light of admitting this, I've decided to become proactive and force myself to "live" and "clean." (This way, I have more stuff to write about) Today, was a good start. I left my house AND did some laundry. Yay me! I actually got some Christmas shopping done too. Yay Old Navy! The following are a few observations I made from my trip to the "real world":

1. I've always wanted to be a biker. Not a motorcycle rider, but a bicycle rider. Today my desire was further confirmed when I saw a bicyclist in his spandex, wearing a helmet (of course) with a REAR VIEW MIRROR attached to it. Yes, it was so cool. I wanted it for my very own. The only problem with this goal of becoming a "biker"--I'm lazy. Don't get me wrong, I have great respect for those who work out. So much respect that I contribute money to my local gym every month to support the people who use it. But for now (forever) I will only stare at those herds of bikers with admiration and longing.

2. Since we are on the theme of physical activity, I also saw today, two women out speed walking. Not only were they speed walking in sync, but they wore matching black outfits and high, messy ponytails. They were fairly young too (not that I'm saying being older would change anything) This is not okay. If you want to go speed walking with your friend, please call her before you meet her and find out what she will be wearing. Yes, the person who doesn't work out (me) has rules for those who do.

My new goal is to make a couple of observations every week to prove that I have indeed ventured into the bleakness of the outer world. I know, you should be worried about me, it's scary out there.

Have you observed anything fun or funny this week?


  1. Don't go out there! You'll only get a speeding ticket. Because I was forced to leave my house today--against my better judgment--I got a speeding ticket. I could look at the glass half full and say I'm lucky I got one AFTER I went to DMV to renew my license. Because, I'd been driving with a suspended license since Nov. 18th, all because I didn't want to leave my house. My husband kept telling me to make the appt. because everybody knows you'll get stopped while you're license is expired and by golly it was real close. Close indeed.

    So, listen to my words of wisdom, Do Not Go Out There it's a cruel world.

  2. Tricia, I knew I'd find someone out their to encourage me in my reclusive tendencies. :) Hmm, maybe if I wanted support in my attempt at "living" I should've started a bicycling blog. :)

    Your ticket story was hilarious. ahem. I mean tragic. I am so sorry about your ticket. You are very lucky you didn't get pulled over when it was expired.

  3. I too contribute to my local gym. Do you think I can write it off this year on my taxes under charitable contributions?

    Unlike you, I am a real world veteran. I have a wide array of places that I visit regularly. My trips into the "real world" include:

    1. the grocery store
    2. your house
    3. our writer's circle
    4. drive thrus (many, many varieties of those, but mostly taco bell)
    5.Costco (for all other needs not fulfilled by previous locations listed)

    Maybe one day you can have an exciting real world life like me.

  4. I occasionally go to the grocery store too. But I noticed that I go late now, around 10, and it is like a ghost town.

    Candi, as long as you continue to do number 2 on your list, then you are welcome to venture into the real world as often as you wish. Will you pick me up some milk while you're out? :)

  5. I am lucky in that I can enjoy being a recluse, and circumstances allow me to hardly ever have to leave my house/property.

    But I will be doing the Christmas Tree lane walk tomorrow. Anyone else?

    And Tricia: I just had to pay a $330 speeding ticket!

  6. Me too! I need milk, cheese and one of those speed radar thingys.
    I still can't believe I got ticketed on the way back from DMV. I don't ever drive and he must have sensed it was his only chance to nab me.

    And on the subject of gyms: I thought pay-as-you-go was a little steep, so I paid 300.00 for a year membership and went once. Go figure.

  7. It's the writer's dilemma. We're a certain breed, only leaving home for absolute necessity! It makes it easier if you leave home with the idea of finding writing ideas out there on your errands.

  8. OMG, Did Paul just say he paid 330.00 for a speeding ticket? How fast were your going, Paul? Now I'm really scared.

  9. I was clocked at 85 in a 55 zone.

    I was robbed: I was passing a guy who had gone 40 all the way up the mountain when we had one lane -- but accelerated to 50 when the passing lane opened.

    Then he kept accelerating when he saw I was passing him.

    He really gunned it just as the lane was about to end --
    -- And, as it was the first rain this Fall, I knew that hitting the brakes was not a good idea, so I accelerated and finished passing him --

    -- And the CHP was parked at the end of the passing lane.

    1. I don't think I had another choice: if I'd braked when the other guy accelerated, I'd have skidded out of control in the fresh rain.

    2. A CHP at the end of a passing lane is just wrong. Might as well close the lane.

    And I was on my way to Fresno just to help Dan move!
    I called him and said I was bailing out.

  10. Paul, you always have some really good explanations for your insanity, don't you? (the nature of a writer) That was really entertaining. :) As far as Christmas Tree Lane tomorrow, it is actually the one night (besides writer's group next week) that I have plans, and they promised to feed me, so I'm out. It's always a lot of fun though.

  11. Joanne, yes, it has been more motivating to leave the house if I think I might be inspired. I just have to keep telling myself that.

  12. Paul, Tricia, I just paid a $160 ticket. Not quite as steep, but it still irritated me. It was my first ticket in 13 years! I felt like telling the CHP Officer that I hadn't had a ticket in more years than he had been driving, but I wisely held my tongue.

  13. P.S. Unfortunately, I'm out on the Christmas Tree Lane thing too. See y'all next week.

  14. This should be a lesson for all of us...stay home!
    and Kasie, those bikers you saw were probably once drivers themselves until they went bankrupt on speeding tickets. You'll see me for now on picking up my child from school on a bike, loading her onto the handlebars.

  15. Tricia, I just imagined that in my mind (as opposed to outside of my mind) and couldn't stop laughing. But perhaps you're right. Speeding tickets are going to be our downfall. I will never leave the house again. Thank you for curing me of my momentary lapse in reasoning.

  16. You're welcome. Anytime you feel you need to leave the house...call me, I'll walk you thru not doing it.

  17. If I don't have to pick up my kindergartener, and my husband will stop at the grocery, I can stay home for days and days and days. I've gotten very creative in compiling meals from whatever I can find in the cupboards and frig, so I don't have to go out.
    As for tickets, I am just very, very lucky (I am knocking on wood right now) because I speed all the time. Like I told Tricia, if I ever do get stopped, I really can't complain.

    Hey Paul, do you have a new blog?

  18. Linda, one of my husbands very favorite dishes is something I created out of whatever I found in the cupboard one day. I was pretty proud and now make it frequently. I haven't gotten a ticket in a while either. I think it helps that I don't spend a lot of time driving. :)

  19. Kasie, do tell what you made from the cupboard. I need ideas when I don't want to go the store and get a speeding ticket.

    BTW tomorrow said misfortunate incident involving all of my Christmas funds will be behind me... until I get the dollar amount then I shall resume my dramtic displays of woe.

  20. Okay, Tricia, I don't know if these are everyone's basic items, but I always have them on hand.

    *Some form of pasta, I use either macaroni or egg noodles--cooked
    *a can or two of cream of chicken soup.
    *a can of chicken or tuna (I prefer the canned costco chicken)
    *shredded cheese
    *mix it all together, top it with seasoned bread crumbs and bake it at 350 for about 20-30 minutes.

    I'm sure I didn't invent this, it's probably a recipe for tuna casserole or something. But, I didn't follow a recipe, I just threw everything together and it is yummy.

    I hope that your speeding ticket won't take up all of your Christmas funds. How fast were you going?

  21. I think i'll make that. It is under my four ingrediant or less rule. The bread crumbs make it 5 so I'm teetering a bit. If I move it to the spice/condiment department, I might be able to bend the rules.

    I was going 46 in a 35 zone. I was behind a long line of cars going faster, but I was easier to catch. And I still believe his speed radar detects more than just speed. It detects, Rarely Seen Driver who's Never Before Contributed to the Police Christmas Party.

    I hope my funds go to something good instead of evil, like promoting the hidden cop at Barstow and Teilman to say, another State.

  22. Ah, the outer world is over rated.

    Actually, I have had too much of it myself. Being around my extended family again, everyone wants me to go out with them and do this or do that. I yearn for the days when I could be a recluse. Ask me how much writing I have done in the past three days?

    No . . . actually, don't ask. It hurts too much to admit.

  23. Tricia, the four ingredient rule is a great one. :) I should adopt that rule. I hope your police contributions go to something good and not evil as well.

    Renee, I feel for you. I can't wait until you can become a recluse again too. It's going to be a lot harder to do while you're living with family (I know, I've tried) :) Sorry, I'm not going to help much because when I'm there in a couple weeks, I'm going to force you to go out with me. :) (yay, I can't wait)

  24. I've had about 3-4 warnings and 2 photo cop tickets in the past year. I think I need to become more of a recluse!