Monday, October 5, 2009

Maddeningly Unhelpful Advice--Creepy vs. Not Creepy

Let’s face it, kids are creepy. Okay, maybe not all the time. But when Hollywood puts them in the right situation, with the right scary music in the background, and the right looks on their faces, they scare me more than any onscreen adult can hands down. Maybe it’s because I have 4 kids of my own who can potentially turn on me at any moment. Maybe because seeing kids in those scenarios is just so unnatural. Whatever the case, kids in scary movies give me the heebie jeebies. Even scarier than pale-faced kids, bloodied kids, black eyed kids, or vampire children, are long haired little girls. You know the ones I’m talking about. Their hair hangs over all or most of their faces, hiding something truly horrible or nothing at all (we’ll never know). I’m getting to a point, I promise. I just had to set up the scenario.

So, my beautiful daughter has attained “creepy child” length hair. Sometimes when I see her from behind, I shudder. Maybe it stems back to watching The Ring. (Which by the way was a huge mistake because it made me scared of not only long-haired children, but my television set [which was the true travesty]) I’ve begged her to cut her hair for weeks now. First I told her it wouldn’t get as tangled. Next I told her it would be easier to wash. Finally I told her it would be easier to put up. None of this worked. She said she didn’t care. So the other day as I was brushing her long hair that was soon going to make her turn on me I muttered under my breath, “It’s turned to creepy child length.”
“What?” she asked.
“What? Nothing, it’s so beautiful.”
“No, you said creepy something.”
So I told her about the creepy children of film who are often portrayed with long hair. And guess what? Suddenly, she wants me to cut a few inches off her hair. What? That’s all I had to say?

So today you get two pieces of unhelpful advice:

One: Never underestimate the power of calling your 11 year old creepy. I know, I should win the mother of the year award for that one.

Two: There is a fine line between creepy hair length and not creepy hair length. I will include some pictures below so you are clear on the difference.

Anything from shoulder length to middle back on a child is not creepy. Aw, isn't she precious? And I don't even suspect any thoughts of 'taking over the world one less adult at a time' lurking in her mind.

Anything from middle back to above the waist is on the creepy side. Wipe that smile off her face and she looks ripe for an attack on innocent parents or unassuming bystanders.

And anything around the waist or longer is just plain creepy. Scared.

I hope that clears things up. You're welcome. :)

By the way, I know you are just dying for a bit of sage wisdom to some unanswerable questions in your own life. If you have a question that you would like answered in a future edition of 'maddeningly unhelpful advice monday' please leave it in the comments section.


  1. I had a scissor-happy mother, so when I was a child I would have killed for long, long, long hair ... oh, wait, bad word choice there. :-)

  2. Thank heavens I cut my daughter's hair this weekend, because she was bordering that creepy style. Not because of length, but because she never combed it.

  3. I HATE The Ring! I am still scarred for life from that show! I will never watch it again. I agree about creepy long hair!:)

  4. ... I'm suddenly so happy I have all boys. If any of them want their hair to reach "creepy length" I will need to be committed anyway.

    By the way, love the new monday posting plan :) What is a question I need answered...hmm...lets stick with children. Oh Great Kasie, how many toys are too many toys?

    :) Enjoy

  5. One of my daughters has "creepy" length hair--very curly, but she always has it pulled up in a pony tail so I never realize how long it is until I start trying to fix it up for something. It's beautiful though... when it's not creepy. :)

    fyi: I blogged about the music today. I had a hard time showing any restraint.

  6. Thanks, this was much more unhelpful than last week's, so... good job!

  7. haha my kiddo has the down to her waist hair, and insists on keeping it there... I should be afraid, no?

  8. Does this apply for adults too? Or just kids? I'm just curious as to whether or not you'll start freaking out around me if my hair gets to my waist.

    I can just see it now. I'll be sitting in a chair at the next retreat, one eye covered with bangs...Kasie comes in a screams. Teehee.

  9. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post. Hilairious! I needed that.

  10. Linda, your mother was smart, she knew that long hair led to rebellious thoughts. :)

    Patti, Oh yes, the stringy, crazy look is also scary on children. My kids are good at that look.

    Chantele, I too am scarred from that movie. Quite obviously. :)

    Jenn, yes, you are lucky you have boys. And, great question. I will address it next week. :)

  11. Lois, if they keep it away from their face, it doesn't quite scare me as much. My daughter refuses to keep her hair our of her face though.

    Corey, I know, right? I thought I did an exceptionally good job this week on being unhelpful. :)

    Jamie, yes, you should be afraid, very afraid.

    Natalie, long hair on adults isn't quite as traumatizing for me. It mostly just makes them look older than they are. (I mean super long hair). But yes, might not want to plan any scares for the retreat, I scream loud. LOL

    Kim, glad I could be of service. :) Have your children been scary this week. LOL How is that new little baby of yours?

  12. LOL!

    Is this what I have to look forward to every Monday?


  13. I love that you told your daughter she was creepy. This post is maddeningly helpful. Let's see...What about potty training little boys. Please I could use some advice, maddening or not.

  14. Heather, yes, my insanity knows no bounds. :)

    Jessie, I know, it was very cruel of me. But it worked so I didn't learn my lesson. And funny you should mention potty training little boys, I happen to be doing that right now. That is definitely a post I can give some unhelpful advice on. You are just going to love how unhelpful it will be.

  15. This post gave me the creeps! Because I'm SO with you on the creepy kids things. That's one of the reasons I cannot watch horror films. There's always some creepy kid in them, isn't there? *SHUDDERS*

    Darcy's hair has a LONG way to go before it reaches creepy status.

    This post has made me laugh so hard. I'm glad I'm not the only one feels this way!!!!

  16. Thankfully I was able to convince my daughter with the snarle thing so hers is shoulder length now. How about short stragly, greasy hair... that makes me think creepy too. :O)

  17. I am scared of anything scary and a few things in between. So I will just add long hair to that list!

    Funny post!

    Blessings to you...