Monday, February 1, 2010

Maddeningly Unhelpful Advice-How to make sure your kid catches every virus around

Are my post titles getting longer or is it just me?

I used to do a series of blog posts entitled "That's Gross" starring the boy (my son). Fortunately for me, but perhaps unfortunately for our blogging entertainment, the boy stopped doing so many extremely gross things. But, today, he is back as the star in my post to teach you how to catch at least one virus, maybe several.

The story starts with a family trip to Target (money-sucking black hole) in the middle of winter (horrid cold/flu season). My children have recently raided my purse for gum and are all chomping away as we enter. The first place we stop is the "dollar section"--probably the most high traffic section in the store.

As we stop to browse, I hear my six year old say, "Bubs (another nickname for the boy), you dropped your gum."

I watch him bend over to pick it up. I notice that my husband has heard the exchange as well and is holding out his hand in anticipation of the boy placing his gum there so he can throw it away. Too late, I see the gum on a fast track straight back into his mouth.

My older daughters exchange a horrified look. The six year old shrugs her shoulders and says, "5 second rule."

Ah yes, "the 5 second rule", which is tolerated, perhaps even promoted, in our home. I guess we have neglected to explain the rule of "the rule". And, of course, that rule is: The 5 second rule is void if in either of the following places: The bathroom (home or public) OR Any public place where those watching might realize you abide by the 5 second rule.

But, if you are looking to catch a cold or flu virus, public practice of the 5 second rule is in order. Go to it!

17 comments:

  1. I came over from Patti's blog because I saw the title of the post and laughed out loud!! We are having an AWFUL sick season this year. Someone is always sick, it seems!!

    This is too funny. We used to abide by the 5 second rule, too, which grosses most people out. But now we have a puppy, and even if we could pick stuff up before he gets to it, I'm pretty sure the floor is not quite as clean as it used to be. Sigh.

    Now I'm off to find your posts about the gross stuff your boy does. :)

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  2. Aren't kids just so adorable with their fun habits? When I used to teach middle school, there wasn't a day that went by without constant coughing, weighty sniffles, projectile sneezing, or my personal favorite, students who came really close to me to confide, "I found some lice." Ah, good times. :)

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  3. ROFL! Are you sure this is your son and not my 7 y.o. son? This is exactly like something he would do. I feel your pain! Ha ha ha. :-)

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  4. There are days I'm absolutely delighted I had a girl (and she's all grown up now). The thing is I don't think boys outgrown these strange nuances when they become men (looking innocently over at Paul).

    I know for a fact the 5 second rule would be an automatic fail in my home. No matter how clean I keep it, with 4 overweight cats and a Blk lab mix dog (long hair) - you really are taking a gamble whatever you've dropped doesn't come up with at least a single hair. (Hugs)Indigo

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  5. I never enforce the 5-second rule when it comes to pets, though. Food goes straight from the floor into the cat dish. I wonder how pets keep from getting sick. I'd like to know their secret.

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  6. Any idea where to find a good 5 second rule to get my daughter chicken pox?

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  7. I have decided that if we didn't have kids we wouldn't have nearly as many good stories to tell.

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  8. lol, oh the joys. It reminds me of when my son spilled some of his soda on the greasy, grimey KFC tables and bent down to quickly lick it up.

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  9. I ADORE that you promote the 5 second rule in your home. LOVE IT!

    You may be happy to know that my father (with a PhD in microbiology) also firmly endorses the 5 second rule. He is a firm believer in the practice-makes-perfect model of immune system building. ;)

    Oh, and I finally posted my replies for the award: http://lchardesty.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-first-blog-award.html
    Thanks again! :)

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  10. I found your blog purely based off the title!!! How funny!!!! I love it! I look forward to following you!!!

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  11. Yes, I do believe before viruses migrate to a breeding ground they count to five. Ewe gross, I hope your son survives.

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  12. ROFL!! Once again you keep me in stitches. I love your post. And, of course, I'm quoting you again. I just can't help myself. You'll be on Tagalong Tuesdays tomorrow. HUGS

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  13. How could we survive parenting without the 5 second rule? I know there are parents out there who don't believe in the doctrine, but I question their sanity.

    Reminds me of the pacifier sequence. The first child's pacifier falls on the floor and the parent boils it. The second child's pacifier gets washed off in the tap. The parent pops the third child's pacifier into his OWN mouth to clease it.

    Most parents stop at 3 kids, but not me. Yep, it's with the fourth child that the parent just shoves the thing back in the baby's mouth. Therein lies the reason that the national average for number of children remains at 2.5.

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  14. Of course the 5 second rule only applies to sweets and treats anything else including fruits and veggies goes to the trash bin LOL

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  15. ewwww. My suggestion: swab the insides of his mouth with wet wipes.

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  16. Yes, Target is a money-sucking black hole. Your reminder of that fact is actually helpful advice. Maybe I'll forgo a visit there today. :)

    I think the best way to make sure your kid catches every single virus is to take them to the gym daycare. That place is like a petri dish cocktail of viruses.

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  17. Ah, yes, you guys are right, there is a third rule in order, which is that if you have furry pets, the five second rule should be null and void. I don't have pets so I don't even think about that.

    And Analisa, yes, you're right, the five second rule is only for good food. That spinach and broccoli stuff can go straight into the trash. :)

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