by, Kasie West
Day one: Practice the art of asking others to do what you can easily do yourself. For example, if you are sitting on the couch and you would like a drink and someone else is anywhere in the vicinity, see if you can get said other to get you said drink. Try to look busy. This normally helps. If it’s not too much effort, hold a magazine and pretend to read. Or intently stare at the television as though you are learning something of great value. If no one else is in the house, refer to day six for your solution.
Day two: Do not do things that, if left undone, will eventually be taken care of by “fairies”. For example, do not waste your time and energy on dishes. When the sink gets full and you have run out of clean dishes, improvise. Be creative. A pan can double as a cereal bowl, a ladle as a spoon. Eventually the “Dish Fairy” will come and you will have clean dishes again. You will be grateful you held out.
Day three: Do you make your bed every day? Stop that, it is a pointless chore due to the fact that in less than twelve hours (or maybe closer to nine, depending on how successful you are in the art of laziness) it will be slept in again.
Day four: There is no need to fold clothes and put them away. Keep them in the dryer. Eventually, as you remove the items one by one to wear them, the dryer will be empty and ready for another load. Make sure you smell the clothes that have been sitting in the washer. They might need to be run one more time to remove the mildew (if that’s too much work, the heat of the dryer and a nice dryer sheet might take away the stench).
Day five: Have you been staying awake all day like a sucker? Midday naps are a perfect cure for that after lunch burst of energy. Eventually your body will get used to this routine and will no longer try to encourage you to be active.
Day six: Eating is a key factor in keeping up on laziness. It takes a lot of energy to be lazy. Make sure you are feeding your habit properly. If you are forced to get up and get your food or drink yourself, better double up on whatever snack you are retrieving. Think of all those calories you burned walking to the kitchen.
Day seven: Rest. It has been a long, hard week of being lazy. Take a break. You deserve it.
Although I kid and have perhaps portrayed some of my habits in their most extreme form, I oftentimes feel like one of the laziest people on earth. Most days are spent behind my laptop in my big comfy armchair, wondering when the fairies are going to come and take care of my chores because my imagination and me are too busy writing.