Tuesday, September 16, 2008

How to become the laziest person on earth in seven days (or less)

by, Kasie West

Day one:  Practice the art of asking others to do what you can easily do yourself.  For example, if you are sitting on the couch and you would like a drink and someone else is anywhere in the vicinity, see if you can get said other to get you said drink.  Try to look busy.  This normally helps.  If it’s not too much effort, hold a magazine and pretend to read.  Or intently stare at the television as though you are learning something of great value.  If no one else is in the house, refer to day six for your solution.

Day two:  Do not do things that, if left undone, will eventually be taken care of by “fairies”.  For example, do not waste your time and energy on dishes.  When the sink gets full and you have run out of clean dishes, improvise.  Be creative.  A pan can double as a cereal bowl, a ladle as a spoon.  Eventually the “Dish Fairy” will come and you will have clean dishes again.  You will be grateful you held out.

Day three:  Do you make your bed every day?  Stop that, it is a pointless chore due to the fact that in less than twelve hours (or maybe closer to nine, depending on how successful you are in the art of laziness) it will be slept in again.

Day four:  There is no need to fold clothes and put them away.  Keep them in the dryer.  Eventually, as you remove the items one by one to wear them, the dryer will be empty and ready for another load.  Make sure you smell the clothes that have been sitting in the washer.  They might need to be run one more time to remove the mildew (if that’s too much work, the heat of the dryer and a nice dryer sheet might take away the stench).

Day five:  Have you been staying awake all day like a sucker?  Midday naps are a perfect cure for that after lunch burst of energy.  Eventually your body will get used to this routine and will no longer try to encourage you to be active.

Day six:  Eating is a key factor in keeping up on laziness.  It takes a lot of energy to be lazy.  Make sure you are feeding your habit properly.  If you are forced to get up and get your food or drink yourself, better double up on whatever snack you are retrieving.  Think of all those calories you burned walking to the kitchen.   

Day seven:  Rest.  It has been a long, hard week of being lazy.  Take a break.  You deserve it.

*********

Although I kid and have perhaps portrayed some of my habits in their most extreme form, I oftentimes feel like one of the laziest people on earth.  Most days are spent behind my laptop in my big comfy armchair, wondering when the fairies are going to come and take care of my chores because my imagination and me are too busy writing.

5 comments:

  1. Great advice, except the laundry portion. Who needs clean clothes when you can stay in your pajamas all day! Also, as I look to my left and see a pile of dishes on my desk, I realize that you don't need fairies to wash your dishes if you can just spread them out evenly over the house. I'm really going to take your getting double of everything to heart though. That was an invaluable tidbit :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. đó, nhàn nhạt thanh âm vang lên "Nếu tới, cần gì phải lại đi?" Tiêu Viêm thanh âm tuy nói là tương đương bình tĩnh, thế nhưng, mặc cho thùy đều có thể nghe được đi ra, kia bình tĩnh thanh âm hạ, ẩn dấu kia cổ thị huyết ý.

      Kia mấy danh Đấu Thánh giai khác cường giả, nghe được Tiêu Viêm chuyện, sắc mặt trở nên dát bạch, khóe miệng lộ ra một mạt cười khổ vẻ, sau đó, hai tay ôm quyền, quay Tiêu Viêm nói rằng "Chúng ta chỉ là phụng mệnh mà thôi, còn thỉnh buông tha chúng ta một con đường sống, ta nguyện ý tự phế đấu khí" dứt lời, đồng hành kia mấy danh Đấu Thánh cũng là một chinh! Sau đó, cúi đầu yên lặng chỉ chốc lát, cuối cùng cắn răng quan, hung hăng địa gật đầu lô, đạo "Chúng ta cũng nguyện ý tự phế đấu khí, còn thỉnh phóng ta không thể không nói,... này Đấu Thánh thật đúng là có quyết đoán, mấy trăm năm thậm chí càng nhiều tu luyện thành quả, để mạdongtam
      game mu
      http://nhatroso.net/
      http://nhatroso.com/
      nhac san cuc manh
      tư vấn luật qua điện thoại
      dịch vụ thành lập công ty trọn gói
      văn phòng luật
      tổng đài tư vấn pháp luật
      thành lập công ty
      http://we-cooking.com/
      chém gió
      trung tâm ngoại ngững sống, một khi buông tha, này đối với có chút người đến nói, không thể nghi ngờ là nhất trí mạng đả kích, thế nhưng theo nào đó một cái phương diện đến giảng, buông tha tu vi đổi lấy mạng sống, cũng không nghi là nhất sáng suốt lựa chọn!

      Thế nhưng, bọn họ cắn chặt răng, ngoan quyết tâm đến làm ra quyết định, tại Tiêu Viêm xem ra, cũng một sương tình nguyện mà thôi.

      Delete
  2. Thank you Kasie. Very inspirational. I am an expert at some, but not all seven so I appreciate the advice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, I've been going about the week all wrong! Thanks for the valuable advice!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes, Nicki, you are a way too productive member of society. I've been keeping a wary eye on you and if you get any more active I might have to nix you from my list of friends and then where would I be? Heartbroken that's where. So pick a few and start practicing, okay? When I come to Arizona in 3 weeks and 2 days (not that I'm counting) I expect a full report.

    ReplyDelete