Thursday, February 5, 2009

Do you like to flush money down the toilet? I know I do.

"Um, Kasie," he said, looking at his hands for a moment before meeting my eyes again. The nervousness was apparent on his face.

"Yes?" I asked warily, not wanting to hear the dire verdict.

"Looks like you're going to need two new toilets. I can't seem to get whatever is stuck in the elbow out."

I looked past him to the toilet that was off its bolts and lying on its side in the middle of the bathroom. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm afraid not. I wish I was." He proceeded to demonstrate by winding a toilet snake up through the hole. It got stuck halfway. "What did he flush down there anyway?" he asked, looking at my two-year-old son who I held in my arms.

"Toilet!" my son yelled out happily. For someone so adorably cute he sure could get into a lot of trouble.

"I have no idea."

That night, my husband and I stood in an aisle at Lowe's trying to decide on which toilets to pick. 'Just don't go with a cheap one,' the handyman's words rang through my head. 'Or it will just happen again.'

"Honey, this one claims we can flush an entire bucket of golf balls down it without it getting clogged." I said as my children whizzed past me, screaming.

"Golf balls are round," he responded with a sigh. "Did you know toilets were so expensive?"

"Yes, I buy them often."

After settling on one of the many that claimed to be "virtually clog free" we had them installed the next day. As I stood talking to the handyman he said, "You should get toilet locks so that your son doesn't do this again."

"Yeah, I know, I'm already planning on it."

Right at that moment we heard a giggle followed by the noise of a flushing toilet. I took off running towards the bathroom, the handyman at my heels.

"Toilet," my son said with a laugh when we arrived in the bathroom. A whole roll of toilet paper lay soaking in the toilet.

"Man, he's fast," the handyman said.

"I know. I know."


  1. WOW. You're going to have a great relationship with the plumber by the time this is over. You poor dear.

  2. But he's so dang cute!

    By the way I'm reading this on a screen that Benjamin decided to draw all over last night (after months of only drawing on paper), so I feel your pain. Now I have to try and figure out how to clean it without ruining it. Ahhh kid's... they're so...expensive. :)

  3. Soooo been there!! Try 3 toilets not at the same time of course! We only have two toilets at a time anyway! Twice it was barbie heads and one time a whole Happy Meal size barbie. Broke the toilet trying to get that one out. My grandfather was our landlord at the time. I felt so bad watching him come out every time and take the toilet off yet again. Course when we asked him if we could buy the house from him, he was real quick to respond yes! He was probably thinking of never having to come fix the toilet again!!

  4. Umm, I know I'm no plumber, but if the clug is in the DRAIN, why do the TOILETS have to be replaced? Call Roto-Rooter and ask 'em to bring the big electric snake!

  5. lol!! Love this story! My grandson is visiting next week and I can't wait but might have to guard those toilets!

  6. Nat, I know, seriously.

    Candi, his cuteness is the only thing saving him at this point. LOL And I think Benjamin is going to be an artist, btw.

    Nikki, I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks for making me feel better with your horror story.

    Angie, yeah, it wasn't stuck down the pipe, it was stuck in the elbow of the toilet itself. And they tried everything. They even took my toilets home and shot high pressure water through them. My husband is actually going to take a hammer to the toilet (that is now on the side of the house) and see what it was that cost us so much money.

  7. Terri, yes, watch your computers and your toilets. Little boys are so busy.

  8. LOL! I LOVE It! I'm so glad you posted it here! Hahaha! So you know you soo have to tell us what your hubby found, right? I'm so curious you have no idea! LOL!

  9. omg, I never had this problem with my kids, but it would drive me craaazy if I did. Get those locks on quick!

  10. Bwahahahahahaha!

    I shouldn't be laughing...

    I have a toddler too. O_o

  11. nothing to comment whatsoever re: toilets, but I just wanted to say I discovered your blog after your husband told me to google you! Fun to see glimpses of the fam and to hear of your goins' on...I'll be checking in periodically so don't talk smack about long lost friends who don't keep in touch. And I'm adding you to my side bar, k? k.

  12. Jenni, yes, I will keep you updated. The sledgehammer is meeting the toilet later. LOL I plan on making a full report of our findings. I'm scared.

    Britten, you shouldn't be laughing or you will be cursed with a toilet lover. LOL

    Kristen, oh no, you've found me. LOL I must now stop writing all those posts about you. Man, they were good ones too. I was working on the Chronicles of Kristen. The fans will be so disappointed. LOL I'm just kidding, of course, I'm glad you found me. Now, will I be able to look at your site? Or is it one of those invites only ones?

  13. I watched an hour long infomercial once on super flush toilets. I was glued to the set--now I know my life is completely wasted.
    Check out my new blog.

  14. Tricia!!! What is this??? You started a blog?? Has the world come to an end and I was too busy writing to notice?

  15. Too funny. I am glad I have not had any toilet loving girls! (Yet, anyway... there is still time, I guess.) Good luck with your new toilets!

  16. I just have to say--IQ Okie--Tricia you're cracking me up!!

  17. Oh, that's awful. I'm so, so sorry. Suddenly my son's fridge and dishwasher fixations seem like nothing at all...

  18. LOL! This is a sad, but funny story. I hope you're laughing. If not, you'll find it funny later, right?

  19. Ha! What a little troublemaker! I mean, seriously, what is it about boys and trouble? Mine is not even two yet, and I shudder to think of what he will be able to accomplish when he realizes he can.

  20. Joanne, I know. I need stock in toilet locks. And you are so lucky you didn't have a child who loved toilets.

  21. Annette, I think you may have gotten away scott free. None of my girls liked the toilet either. I guess I've been lucky that it's only been the one.

    Kiersten, I think my son might be going for a role in the next Dennis the Menace film. Or maybe he has just been taking notes. I found him on top of my dresser today. I have no idea how he got up there. So apparently he's a climber too. AAAHHHH. Okay, I feel better now.

    Lady Glam, I am laughing about it (sort of). I'm sure his future girlfriends will find it even more funny when I pull out the pictures of him hugging his first girlfriend (the toilet). Pay back will be oh so sweet. LOL Okay, now I am laughing.

    Renee, you should shudder and then run and hide in fear because it's coming--the day when your sweet innocent boy realizes all he can do to drive you nuts. LOL

  22. Oh i love this story, it is so funny!

    Sorry to be laughing though

    Anyhoo i'm sorry if this is a bit out of the blue, but i've started a writer's forum
    where aspiring authors etc. can come and chat and discuss topics and ideas and basically help each other.

    I love blogging but it can be both hard to get a readership and connect with them so i thought a community forum would be a great way to network.

    The forum is only starting out but i'm hoping it will grow,

    I'd really appreciate it if you could take the time and have a look around.

    thanks emily.

  23. Kasie, yeah, we're private like that. Royce wouldn't let me hang out our dirty laundry for the world to see - only a select group of friends and family may have that privilege. Send me your email, and I'll send you an invite. And I look forward to the 1st installment of the Kristen chronicles. Does it feature our firstborns running around in their diapers together?