Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Query help

Dear Agent:

Have you ever wanted to read the world’s most awesome book? Well hold on to your seat because now you can. This book is “Enchanted” meets “Star Wars” meets “Harry Potter” meets “Narnia” meets “Lord of the Rings” meets “Princess Diaries” meets “Twilight” meets “Shrek.” I know, sounds atrociously awesome, right? It is. But before I tell you about the book, let me tell you about me.

I’m a stay at home mom who’s done everything cool that you can ever think of and has decided to take her coolness and transfer it into a book. I graduated from college, but my degree has nothing to do with writing. I like food, especially chocolate. I also like the ocean. One day, I’m going to live by the ocean. After I get this book published, that is, because then I’ll be super rich. And if you want to be rich too, you should really sign me.

I have four kids who keep me super busy. But I’m also very good at ignoring them so that I can write. I think that makes me a multi-tasker. Or a neglector of all things non-writing related. Either one makes for a good client.

My book is about a seventeen year old girl who gets taken into another land and has to figure out how to get back. Now if you have read all the books/movies I mentioned above then you will have an even better understanding of my book. If you haven’t and want to save some time then just read my book because it has all the best elements from each, making it the pinnacle of awesomeness. Well, I’m certain I’ll be hearing from you soon because you would be crazy to pass up this opportunity.

Kasie West

I don't understand why I'm not getting any requests from this query. Any ideas? (If you want real query advice, visit Nathan Bransford's site, he's super helpful)


  1. bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. This is so great!!!! You know what's sad is that I think agents actually get queries like this. *groans*

  3. Send me the full!!! At once!! I already have an editor waiting by her phone to buy this! And Disney is optioning it for a film!!!

  4. Ah, Kasie, I feel your pain. I'm already dreading the query for my WiP, and I haven't even finished the story yet.


    The hoops we writers have to jump through.

  5. LOLOL! OMGosh! So my original query was something like this. I wrote it on a spur of the moment in the middle of my frustration while writing Pride & Popularity. It was right after I realized I would have to write queries and try to get an agent, so I made a spoof! LOL! It still cracks me up... Hmm... maybe I'll post it! LOL!

  6. Yeah, that's pretty good. I think you could focus a little more on your love of the ocean. That's unique. It could be a BIG selling point.

    And you might want to mention some of the awesome things you've done as a mom. Like replacing toilets and giving your kid 50 bucks for a broken DVD.

  7. Candi, what's so funny? LOL

    Lady Glam, I know they do. They must constantly laugh.

    HS Agent, cool, send me your email address and I'm all over it.

    Renee, pain? What pain? Querying is fun! LOL

    Jenni, I want to read it! Post it immediately. I bet it's great.

    Nat, I know, I mean the girl in my book loves the ocean too, so that's gotta be some significant info, right? And you are so right. I should really be more specific about the kinds of things I've done as a mother. It will show my versatility. Man, maybe I'll have to cut a little from the last paragraph to make room for all this new info. LOL

  8. This is awesome! I think you should also just query all of your books in one. Why separate them all when you can just throw your entire collection into this one knock 'em dead query? ;)

  9. Don't forget to include that your kids LOVE your book, so it must be great!

  10. I liked it but you made no mention of what kind of chocolate: dark, milk, white. That's important, agents need to know this. You also failed to mention any pets you have and their pictures.
    But most important is your childbirth experience. Explain in every detail your experience before you get to the hook of the book.

  11. Maybe you should mention your peeps in there. Perhaps some of your willingness to sacrifice (i.e. traveling long distances, going on long hikes in the middle of the summer with gnats flying everywhere, trespassing, etc.) I think that would be a huge selling point!

  12. And you should DEFINITELY mention how many people commented on this letter when you posted it on your blog, and absolutely loved it!

    A remark about how your Mom loved your story couldn't go amiss, either.

    Too hilarious - thanks for the laugh!