CAUTION: Extreme Drama Ahead!
The first thing you'll want to do when feeling sorry for yourself is to pull up your iPod playlist labeled: Pity Party for One. In fact, if you want to listen to that playlist while reading my post, that would be great. The list should include songs such as "My Heart Will Go On" where memories of Leonardo DiCaprio reaching out for Kate Winslet right before he sinks beneath the icy water will play through your mind, setting the proper mood. And don't forget "Send in the Clowns" because any song involving clowns should immediately bring tears to your eyes. And we all know when feeling sorry for yourself, more tears equals more success.
See, you're already well on your way to getting the most out of your sorrow.
Next, make sure you capitalize on whatever event triggered your sadness by calling your significant other right before he's coming home, telling him what happened, and hinting to him what food item might bring you out of your grief. Don't be too vague or he might not pick up on the hint. You might say something like, "I looooove see's candy mint truffles. They are so good. If I don't get one, my extreme sadness might crush us both upon your arrival." In response, he might say something like, "So did you want me to bring you home some truffles?" Then say, "Only if it's on your way home. Or if it's sort of on your way home. Or if it takes you an extra thirty minutes to get home. Otherwise, I'll probably be okay." Make sure your Pity Party playlist is playing loudly in the background so that he knows you're serious.
Next, you should write a blog post about how tragic your life is so that all your friends will leave comments telling you how awesome you are and that you will be okay. And that even though your submission was an utter failure (aside from all the awesome, encouraging, personalized rejections) that your next book (which you now have to edit the crap out of) will do so much better. Besides, there are a lot of writers that don't sell the first book they try with, but go on to sell subsequent ones, right? Right???
Excuse me while I crank up "Fire and Rain" and sob onto my mint truffles. Mmmmm truffles.
(Now, before anyone calls the depression hotline and submits my name for suicide watch, I want you to know, I'm totally okay. This happened on Friday and after a successful Pity Party, I'm so excited to get another one of my projects ready for submission. I thought about just letting the whole thing fly under the radar, but then I thought, you know, hearing about other writers' journeys--successes and failures--has really helped me along in this process so why should I try to hide one of the heartaches of this industry? It happens. So there you have it. Now, just because I'm feeling better doesn't mean you don't have to complete the last step in my pouting process and leave me an encouraging comment. They always help.)
"I'm so sorry your submission results didn't pan out," said with the utmost sincerity (you're already leagues ahead of me in experience).
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought I was the only one who had the - before you come home, this is how my day has been blues texting - down pat. Only I draw it out and exclaim, "I forgot to take something out for dinner in all the drama." Instant win. I get either Chinese or Thai food for dinner and I don't have to cook. (Hugs)Indigo
That's a total bummer, and you have every right to have a pity party, although it appears you're coming out of it. Edit away and try again.
ReplyDeleteIsn't there a song that says try, try again. I could be wrong about that though.
I'm a little worried that in perfecting your pouting, the universe is giving you things to pout about. :)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that your submission, shoved out of the nest, didn't immediately fly, but think of it this way, this speed bump will make you a more attractive interview when you are successful. And you can use all the pouting skills to weep for Oprah that you had to overcome momentous and soul-crushing rejections. Actually, if you pout enough, I think you'll get your own show. So, basically, it's all looking up.
Thanks for sharing the bumps; it really does help to prepare the rest of us for the hardships in the post-agent-acquisition stage.
Great post. I'm cueing up Tears in Heaven just for you. ;)
Those are the PERFECT playlist choices, Kasie! And mint truffles? Also Perfect! I, for one, appreciate the honesty of your frustration and subsequent near recovery. It helps sooooo much to know we are all in this together. Now, edit, edit, edit. :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry, you had this TEMPORARY setback, but sharing it did make me feel better. And which of your many are you calling your second book?
ReplyDeleteBoooooo. Sorry:(
ReplyDeletePout all you want, then get back on the horse. (Crackin' the whip here)
At least your temporary setbacks result in something hilarious. :)
ReplyDeleteI have an iPod set called "Music to cry to", so I am obviously on the same page. lol.
Aw Kasie. :( I really am sorry to hear this.
ReplyDeleteI personally think there's nothing wrong with a nice long pity party every once in a while. That said, I'm glad you're feeling good about putting something new out there. Atta girl! I'm totally rooting for you! :)
Kasie,
ReplyDeleteYou are Hilarious! I have just started reading your blog and can't get enough! You have a great talent for writing, and I say stop that pity party (well have it long enough to get at least one more box of truffles) and fire your editor or publisher or who ever it is that rejected your book and find one that knows what they are talking about :) I want to read the book and I don't even know what it is about just because your blog is so entertaining. Smile, and keep at it!
Yeah, rejections stink no matter how nice and personalized. A pity party is definitely called for. With lots of chocolate! Keep your chin up. You'll be fine!
ReplyDeleteEncouraging comment.
ReplyDeleteBut really, I'm jealous of your rejection. At least you have a finished book to be rejected.
ReplyDeleteAw, you'll sell the heck out of this next book and be awesomely famous.
ReplyDeleteNow, to round out the pity party, would you like some peanut butter m&ms?
Aw, sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope the truffles helped, and I hope it helps for you to know that I really look up to your successes, and this is NOT a failure, just another step toward a huge success. Keep going, and don't lose faith!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! It'll happen for you soon enough.
ReplyDeleteHow you can manage to be both hilarious and heartbreaking in one, I will never know.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the submisison didn't work out. I'm glad you're excited about the new submission. How come you can't still use the old one?
Indigo, yes, scoring a dinner out of grief is even better. Love it. :)
ReplyDeletePatti, I don't know this song of which you speak. Cry, cry again sounds more like the one I'm in the mood for. :) J/K I'm sure there is a song like that. It's just not on my Pity Party playlist. My husband has a "motivational playlist" and that has songs like "Eye of the Tiger" and stuff like that. I think the song to which you are referring belongs on that list. :)
Julie, oh no, the universe would totally do that to me too. It would think that was funny. Maybe I should work on perfecting something else. :) I don't know about the "on Oprah" scene you played out, but it definitely makes for a better publication story. Who wants to say they were immediately successful?.....Nobody answer that.
Shannon, thanks for the "edit" cheer. I need it. Must. Edit. :)
ReplyDeleteLinda, well I'm glad the experience can help others. I think for try two I'm going with Hailey (I think you've read the first 60 pages or so of that one). I'm working on it now. We'll see how it turns out.
Candy, I might as well pout while I can, right? And yes, the horse might buck me off again, but I'm ready to climb back on......sort of. :)
Guinevere, thanks. :) And I'm glad you have your own list of sad songs. They're a must in any library.
Renee, thanks, that means a lot to me. It's nice to have support in this harsh world. :) You're awesome.
Carroll, I love it when people love my book before they read it. :) You're the best. Thanks for telling me you think I'm funny. That makes me happy. You are welcome to read my book/books whenever you want--you get the "neighbor/I know you in real life/you're obviously good at flattery which is what ever author needs" pass. Just let me know when you want it.
ReplyDeleteAngie, thanks for understanding (and for the permission to eat more chocolate). Rejections are hard.
Jessie, don't patronize me, my nemesis. You're probably thinking, 'oh I can't wait until I send out my first book and it goes into a bidding war on the second day.' :) (You know I'm smugly smiling right now at your jealousy)
Larissa, I love peanut butter m&ms. Bring them on over and we'll cue up the music. :)
Michelle, aw, thanks. You're getting me all misty again. I miss you guys. I need to live near you so that when stuff like this happens we could have a real pity party together. It would be awesome.
ReplyDeleteMariah, thanks, I know I just need patience. It's just a attribute I was never very good at. :)
Laura, thanks for the heartbreaking/hilarious comment. Love it. :) And as far as using this book again, I guess I could eventually if none of my other stories pan out. But most of the rejections were nothing I could change. And no editors asked for revisions anyway, sooooo, I think I'll file it away and maybe revisit it in the future.
But you have an agent that believes in you (and me too). It's too bad she's on the opposite side of the coast (or lucky for her), because she could make these candy runs that you so desire.
ReplyDeleteListen to Wildfire even if you're over it and moved on. One more cry for good measure.
Aww, I know! The pity party would include chocolate and hamburgers and fries and anything else your heart desires. :)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry things didn't work out yet. Notice I said YET - they will. I'm sure things will be better soon. Meanwhile - hope you enjoyed the truffles. I drown myself in butter when I'm down. Toast with lots of melted yummy butter.
ReplyDeleteYou had me busting up. How about you write a non fiction compilation of maddeningly unhelpful advice! It would definitely be a best seller! Your awesome and so is your series. It will be loved and adored by teens and their moms alike.
ReplyDeleteI've always found the best cure for feeling sorry for yourself is to scratch someone else's back for an extended period of time-like 30 minutes or so. I happen to know of a highly available back that you can scratch...Anything for you dear.
ReplyDeleteWe all know that your agent is not thinking clearly in her post baby state! She is sleep deprived and in no way is making good choices! I am sure that when she comes out of her twin fog, she will wake up and come crawling back to you begging for you to let her publish your book! And please call me next time! :) You know I love a good party and love any excuse to engorge myself on chocolate, fat and sugar! Hang in there...and as my Uncle always said to me when I had a big pouty lip, "A wittle birdie is going to come and wand on your wip!" :)
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, if it were up to my agent this book would've been published a year ago. She loves it and I love her. :) Unfortunately, it's up to the editors of the universe. I just have to make them love me (well, my book). I'm working on it. And yes, any excuse is a good excuse for dessert and sappy girl movies. Let's do it.
ReplyDelete